


Broken Spotlight

by ConnorProject2K17



Category: Big Mouth (Cartoon), Big Mouth - Fandom
Genre: Jay tries to audition for the school play, M/M, also theyre putting on miss saigon!, and yes that is a terrible idea, basically the school just wants a more diverse cast, but matthews in it too so that should cause some trouble, he gets in but not because hes any good, jay is dyslexic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-08-03 00:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16315697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConnorProject2K17/pseuds/ConnorProject2K17
Summary: Jay never thought about the school play once, until it comes around this year and he realizes it's a perfect way to get close to Matthew. The school's putting on Miss Saigon (and yes, that is a terrible choice) and Jay's The Engineer. But it's pretty tricky to watch Matthew kiss a girl every night, and pretend like he doesn't care. Even if it is all acting...





	1. Chapter 1

“Today,” the principal began, sounding as unenthused as ever, “the auditions for this years school play begins. I’m sure you’re all excited, but please be aware there are only a certain number of spaces, so please don’t be upset if you don’t get in. You can show your support by buying a ticket at the end of term.”

A low groan ran through the assembly. Jay looked at his friends beside him; Nick was texting someone on his phone (he had a dopey expression: it’s probably Gina). Andrew was staring off into space, and Jessi had her face snuggled into her arms, resting.

No one really cared about the school play, but for some reason the school still treated it like a big deal; the money from the tickets was enough to buy new chairs, and not those weird stools that made everyone butt cramp.

The only students who were actually invested in the play were the drama geeks, the popular girls and their boyfriends (who were dragged in whether they wanted to or not).

And… Jay bit his lip as he thought back… Matthew. Matthew surprisingly wasn’t a drama geek. He was waaay too cool to be described as an ‘anything’ geek. But he still had that flair and personality that made him The School Star every year.

Jay swallowed thickly, and tried to focus his attention back on the principal. 

It was another half an hour before she finally stopped talking, and everyone slowly trudged out.

“Anyone think they’re going to see the play?” Jessi asked, still hunched over and exhausted from her mini-nap.

“My dad’ll probably yell at me for even thinking about auditioning,” Andrew told them miserably, “and then yell at me for not getting involved.  _ ‘Why did we even buy these tickets if you’re not in it?!’ _ Oh, I don’t know dad, because you made us come, and wouldn’t let me be in it?”

Nick sighed, and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

“Gina said she’ll probably be in it, but there’s no way i’m auditioning. I’ll just buy the tickets or whatever.”

Jessi turned to Jay. He gave her The Bird.

“Ha ha,” he said sarcastically, and she rolled her eyes. 

“There’s no way i’m signing up for that ga-for that pussy shit.”

Oof. He’d almost said ‘gay’. Jay had to keep reminding himself not to say that anymore.

Jessi started rambling about why she wasn’t auditioning (probably something about feminism, Jay wasn’t listening), and his attention shifted. God, he would have to tell them eventually, right? I mean, it’s not everyday the schools ‘Resident Straight Man’ realizes he’s bisexual, is it?

Many nights had been spent googling the proper terminology. At first he’d typed in ‘Wat do U cal Man hoo like Man and Woman?’ and ended up with a load of porn. Which then distracted him for the next three hours before he finally forced himself to  _ actually _ do some research.

“Um, guys?” he turned to his friends. Jessi paused in her story, and turned to frown at him. But he must have looked a real sight because her face fell in surprise.

“Jay?” Nick asked, giving his friend a weird look, “Are you okay?”

Jay took a deep breath. Shit. It’s now or never, right Bilzerian?

“I think…” he clenched his fist at his side.

“I think I might be bisexual.”


	2. Tape table

They were sitting at their lunch table, in a circle, like usual. The cold silence seemed like a force field against the rest of the room, where rowdy teenagers screamed and threw things at each other.

“So…” Jay started, trying to make eye contact with the others. Nick looked at him at least. Andrew just seemed intent on picking at a loose bit of tape on his chair, and Jessi was angrily stabbing her pasta.

“Is anyone going to say anything?”

“Sure Jay!” Nick perked up, “Err, you going to sign up for the school play?”

Jay glared at him, as if to say ‘Nice going, loser’.

“I believe I already said, that I wasn’t.” he pointed out, putting extra emphasis on his words.

“Yeah?” Jessi spoke up, “Well you said a lot of things, Jay. You said you liked girls. You said you weren’t gay. You said you wouldn’t keep secrets from us.”

She gave her spaghetti one last extra stab, and pushed her tray away. Jay leaned back in his stool.

“Woah, Jessi, calm down.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, he say Andrew sigh.

“I’m not gay. I’m bisexual. And I still like girls. Out of everyone I thought you would be the most supportive!”

Jessi made a weird sort of frustrated howl, and stood up. Collecting her things, she stormed away from them towards Missy’s table.

Jay looked back at his friends.

“How crazy was that, right?”

Nick gave him a sympathetic look.

“She doesn’t mean it Jay. I mean, after her parents divorce and everything, I guess she’s kind of upset about people keeping secrets. She probably thinks this is like that.”

“But it’s not!” Jay exploded, slamming his hands on the table. Andrew jumped.

“I only found out I was bi a couple of days ago. And you guys were the first people I’ve told! This isn’t fair!”

“She’ll calm down.” Andrew told him, taking a bite out of his cookie.

“She just needs a minute to think about things and she’ll apologise.”

Jay looked over at Missy’s table, where Jessi was ranting to her. His throat clenched. He hoped she wasn’t telling her about… his secret. 

He sighed. This wasn’t going how he wanted at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Jessi's not biphobic, she's just got a lot going on.


	3. Smooth Tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, these chapters are short and I don't care (okay i care a little bit but ultimately i'm just focusing on giving back to the fandom)

 

The audition line was surprisingly long. Apparently kids from the dance clubs and orchestra were also expected to join in, which would have been fine, except it took up most of lunch. By the time Jay got even close to the front it was nearly the end.

A large group of giggling girls who had been doing his head in finally lost their nerve and left, which meant the only thing standing in between Jay and the door was,

“Hey Matthew,” he stared at his shoes, scuffing them against the cold, tiled floor.

Matthew didn’t say anything, and just stared off into the distance. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, looking like the epitome of disinterest. Jay’s stomach fizzed, like a puddle of electricity was pooling in the bottom of his belly.

He sucked in a breath, and tried to look away, but somehow his gaze was pulled back to the boy in front of him. God, why was he still freaking out about this? He assumed that since he had Brad, he’d be done with this. Matthew was just the push he needed to realise his sexuality, that didn’t mean he meant anything.

So why did it feel like his legs were made of bad scaffolding whenever they made eye-contact.

The door opened, and a boy almost hidden behind a tuba stumbled out. Mumbling a small ‘Hey’, Matthew moved forward into the room, and shut it behind him.

But not completely. It bounced back, leaving a small crack open. Jay scuffled forward.

Matthew was standing in the middle of the gym, facing some out-of-view teachers. The fluorescent lights above him made his brown hair seem almost honey-coloured. His skin was pale and glittered like glass, and his eyes… oof his eyes.

Jay’s chest thundered, and he almost choked. God, Matthew couldn’t just look like that, and still be so near to Jay. It was torture.

Some words were exchanged between Matthew and the teachers, before music started playing on an unseen piano.

The song was dark, and sort of sad. Matthew swayed a bit where he stood, before gripping his hands to his side, and jutting his chin out.

And then he started to sing...

 

* * *

 

Jay had always sort of known Matthew was talented when it came to musical theatre. Or maybe that was just another Gay Stereotype the other accidently fell into.

Apparently the song he had sung was called ‘The Games I Play’ and Jay knew he’d be listening to it as soon as he got home.

Maybe he’d even jerk off to it, you never know with these things…

But regardless, Matthew’s voice was smooth and glorious and heartbreakingly bright all at the same time. It made Jay want to wrap him in his arms and hold him close.

God, where the hell were these thoughts even coming from?? What happened to Jay Bilzerian, player and pussy magnet? Why was it that as soon as Dicks came into the equation he became a flustered romantic mess? Ugh, he’d have to talk to Brad about this later, he was surprisingly good for a heart-to-heart when he came to Jay’s sexuality.

Matthew flounced past Jay, who was pretending he hadn’t been listening in, and a voice called out to him.

“Jay Bilzerian? Is Jay Bilzerian next?”

Jay pushed the door open, and stepped inside (and made sure to shut it behind him).

The teachers were Miss B, some PE teacher he didn’t recognise, and Coach Steve.

“Woo!” Coach Steve waved his fist in the air like he was at a rock concert, barely avoiding thwapping Miss B in the head.

“Go Jay!”

While Miss B tried to calm him down, and PE teacher turned to address Jay.

“The song you’ve chosen is,”

He looked down at some papers he had on the table,

“Schadenfreude?”

Jay nodded, and wiped his slick palms on his jeans. He wasn’t sure why he was freaking out. Maybe Matthew decided to stick around, and is listening in. Maybe he’s judging him for his song choice. It wasn’t like Jay knew a whole lot about musical theatre (he got picked on by his brothers enough thank you), so he just went for whichever one he enjoyed most.

He swallowed again.

“Right now you are down and out,

And feeling really _crappy_...”


	4. Thought through the windows

 

The sofa creaked as Jay sat down, and he stretched his legs out. Resting his head on the arm rest, and his feet on the end (which could technically be considered Brad’s lap?) he groaned into a pillow.

“Woah there, pretty boy,” Brad’s voice washed over him, and Jay’s shoulders relaxed. 

“What’s wrong? Need a little cushion cuddle?”

Jay sighed, and placed the pillow behind his head.

“Sorry Brad, not right now. I’m just… going through some stuff.”

Brad gave him a sympathetic look, for a cushion, and smiled.

“Aw, i’m sorry, Baby. Why don’t you tell Daddy all about it?”

Wringing his fingers together, Jay launched into the story, while Brad nodded and batted his eyelashes. 

Matthew hadn’t been waiting outside the audition room, like Jay thought. Which had been a shame, because he’d really tried hard. So hard he actually went out and bought a spiky dog collar to wear on his wrist, just to feel manly again.

“Well,” Brad started after a moment of consideration, “it sounds like you just need to talk things through with this ‘Matthew’.”

“I’ve tried!” Jay complained, flailing his arms around, “I really did but everytime he just walks away! It’s like he doesn’t even want to make out with me again!”

“Well think about it from his perspective, he sucks face with a cute boy like you, who then bounces. Then, when he thinks it’s over, said cute boy starts jumping to talk to him. It’s probably sent him for a bit of a loop, and he needs a minute.”

“So what do you suggest I do?” Jay fiddled with the dog collar around his wrist, accidently pricking his thumb on the spike.

“Give him time. Maybe try to talk to him in a situation where he feels comfortable.”

“Like the drama practise or something?”

“Bingo.”


	5. The Nothing's Silk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops, the school is a bit racist :/

 

The next morning Jay found himself almost crushed between a crowd of drama kids, all scrambling to get to the front. Because right there, hanging on the front of the gym door, was the cast sheet.

“I got it!”

“Me too!”

“Shit.”

“Better luck next time, buddy.”

Everyone was a mess, and Jay was beginning to seriously consider turning tail and leaving, when the mesh of students finally thinned out. Elbowing past the remaining disappointed freshman, Jay made it forward, and scanned through the list.

**Kim: Fa Liling**

**Chris: Matthew Laurens**

Jay’s heart did a slow, lazy cartwheel in his chest. Good, Matthew got it. And apparently was the main lead. He ran his finger along the sheet of paper, carefully looking out for his name.

**The Engineer: Jay Bilzerian**

Whoop! He got in! He thumped his fist in the air in celebration, before quickly shoving it in his pocket. Oops, it almost looked like he wanted to get into the school play. And he didn’t; he was just doing this for Matthew.

Pushing open the gym door, he found Miss B sitting at the same desk, talking to some Asian girl.

“Now Liling,” she was saying, shuffling some papers, “we saw some interesting traits in you during your audition, and we thought you would be perfect for the main lead!”

“But I didn’t want to be the main lead!” Liling wailed, tugging at her bangs, “I auditioned for the orchestra! The only reason I’ve got the main lead is because i’m Asian!”

Miss B turned a bit pale, and focused on shuffling the papers.

“No-now Liling, let’s not jump to conclusions. I have no real role when it comes to the auditions, i’m just there for supervision. If you have a complaint take it to the drama department.”

Liling gave a huff, and stormed out. Jay moved to the side to let her past, and she stood on his foot. He glared at her as she left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop turned off as I was writing this, so I lost my mojo. Sorry for the less-than-good ending :)


	6. I Still... I still believe... that Jatthew will become Canon in Season Three... and nothings keeps them apart...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *subtle* Miss Saigon reference in the title...  
> I LIIIIVVVVEEE!!! Ack! I'm so sorry i havent posted in forever but my netflix account hasnt been topped up so i cant watch the show and ive got GCSEs this year and im doing theatre and AAAHHHH

It was no secret that Bridgeton Middle School was unbelievably tight when it came to money. Ryan Bratter from Third Grade was made to bring in his own chairs from home, and was STILL being picked on about it. Mostly from Jay. Actually, only from Jay. But that was only because he didn’t have any chairs at home either.

So when he walked into the theatre, he was a bit crushed to discover how… lackluster it all was. Just the gym with some tables all pushed together to make a ‘stage’. Some art students were painting a giant blank canvas as big as the wall with reds and yellows. It was all a bit disappointing.

“Ah! Jay! There you are!” Miss B came toddling over, wobbling slightly on her heels with a head of frazzled hair. She looked a bit dazed.

“Oh. Hey Miss B-”

“Thank goodness! We were just handing out scripts, don’t worry you’re not late, just come with me into the back room.”

A week ago if Miss B had told him to ‘come into the back room’, he would have not shut up about it for months to come. But he didn’t want to talk to anyone about this. He’d even traded in his favourite waistcoat for his dad’s business jacket to seem as inconspicuous as possible. He had barely gotten any sleep last night; rethinking his plan to make a best first impression. The grey jacket had the oversized sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and his only clean white shirt tucked into his trousers. (The shirt had been from his primary school uniform, but he’d asked his mum to alter it for him. Then he snuck her some Cotton Candy Brandy until she agreed to do it.

It was all set. His face was clean, his unibrow was shaved-as well as half of his right eyebrow but whatever-his hair slicked back with Kurt’s hair gel, and actually showered. His bath mat had a few choice words with him about using too much deodorant but he stamped on her mouth.

He was ready. Probably.

The back room was somehow even more pathetic than the stage. Just a tiny classroom that smelled like bleach and only had three desks. Only Matthew, Devin and DeVone were actually sitting at them. Everyone was on the floor.

Jay picked a spot directly next to Matthew and crouched beside him. The rough carpet made his ankles itch and his knees popped, but he ignored it.

Matthew didn’t look at him, eyes focused on the whiteboard in front of them.

“Now then Class!” Miss B’s voice was slightly strained as she stepped over the sitting students.

“Please take one script and pass them on, and we’ll get to looking at the songs. Now then, who here has seen this musical before.”

Matthew and few other musical geeks raised their hands. The room was silent.

“Ah, good well…”

Jay barely listened as he collected his script. It had his name written at the top in a rushed scrawl, and his last name was spelled wrong. The page was smothered in highlighter.

He turned to the next one.

And the next one.

He wiped his sweaty hands on the inside of his pocket. God, he had a lot of lines, didn’t he? He didn’t think his audition was _that_ good.

The sound of conversation brought him back to the real world, and he looked up to see everyone slowly filling out of the room. Soon it was just him and Matthew.

Alone together.

“Sooo… kissed any other cute boys lately?”

Fuck.

https://the-real-dionysus.tumblr.com/post/182303873800/fanart-of-jay-from-big-mouth-from-my-fanfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, my chapters are as short as usual, don't @ me. Also what do you want to happen next? This plot is in your hands people!


End file.
